DEDICATED TO BOB . . .

Christmas Memories . . .

Proud Papa.  He looked like this the day
 I got married.  When I looked at him and felt
all that love, I totally broke down 

Always game for a good laugh!
Kinda cute, huh?

This is my oldest brother Bob.  He is quite the guy, generous to a fault, smart (he married Cheryl), spiritual, loving, loyal, caring, but has quite the ornery sense of humor that my kids haven't always appreciated.

Bob was a policeman for over 22 years if I remember right.  On Christmas Eve, he thought it was pretty funny to take out his gun and polish it to a glorious shine.  He would gone on and on about how he loved reindeer steak and could hardly wait for dinner tomorrow.  Sometimes he would go out the door waving his gun and yelling at Santa, "To go away, my kids don't want any old toys and stuff like that.  His poor kids would go into such a panic.  When they heard some sleigh bells jingling, chaos would reign upon the land until they were tucked neatly into their beds with their eyes squeezed tightly.  Then we "grown-ups" (term used very loosely) could have a good time playing games and what ever was left to do.

One year he pulled all his old jokes out for the benefit of my poor kids.  Now Jon and Bob do have a lot in common and seem to really enjoy each others company, but Jon just could never hold a candle to anyone in my family when it came to warped jokes, so you can just imagine how they reacted when the beloved Uncle Bob did and said such things!

A year passed, and the memory burned so deep into their minds was as fresh as ever.  They wanted to get back ..   OK  . .  Mom and Dad were encouraging the whole thing. . . but come on!  We happened to have goats for milking, you know the cute kind that have very similar droppings to deer droppings . . .   Heh, heh, heh . . . . Jon had some dirty old work socks, with holes of course and yes, we were burning coal that year to stay warm . .  just too good to pass up.

We filled a sock, unwashed, with all the goodies for bad little boys.  Packed it into a box and headed for UPS.  Now what I didn't know is that UPS would want to know what was in the package.   When they asked, there was no poker face to be found . . .

When I stood there looking kind of shocked, the nice UPS man got a little stern and said, "Ma'am, I need to know what is in the package".

 "Aaaaah, a dirty sock".  Mariah giggles.

"What else is in the package?"  By this time he is watching her . . . little snitch!


"Some coal".  He glances at my little snitch.


"And . . .?"

"Oh good grief, it has goat poop in the sock, OK!  and no, I don't need insurance!"

By this time the whole line behind me is laughing so I turned around and explained that yes, it was well earned and why.  They all loved it, even the UPS man loved it.

Just to complete the evil deed, I sent it C.O.D. and no, I didn't reimburse them.  Sorry Cheryl, but he did deserve it!!

This is still one of our kids' favorite Christmas memories . .  . . .  kind of sad, isn't it?