On the morning of January 16, 1991, I was standing at a counter in Snow Flake, AZ. A clerk was ringing up my purchased. It was a carousel for my old style microwave and a little weather station for Jon. It had three dials, one to show temperature, humidity and barometric pressure. As a frustrated pilot, I knew Jon would enjoy it. The radio was playing the funny station out of Show Low AZ with a DJ & owner named Woody. We didn’t get the station in Holbrook and I was enjoying hearing his voice again. All of a sudden, the music stopped and the DJ came on and announced that the first planes had taken off to bomb Iraq. I knew it was coming, I felt like it was an OK thing, but then when it did, time seemed to stop.
Since then, Mariah has shared her memories from her 11-year old perspective. She said that “she was standing there listening to the grownups talking (her favorite past time . . . no, her favorite occupation) when it was suddenly it was silent. The lady and mom had stopped talking. The clerk had stopped ringing up the stuff. When I looked up at Mom, there were tears running down her face”. My first thought had been, “How long will they drag this out for? Will it be long enough to suck my young son into it? Will it be become the way that they keep the economy strong, just like the Viet Nam war had seemed to become?”
When we walked outside and started home, I really had to work to keep my cool. I saw everyone, just going on. No one seemed to be aware of what this could mean, that lives were about to be lost, our children’s their innocence taken away, the belief that the world is a good place. I didn’t want them to learn to not love (a nice way of saying hate) complete strangers half across the world, like I had growing up.
Why am I talking about this now? The world seemed to stop last week when I go the call from Liz telling me her 8 month old grandson had passed away.
The mother, Crystal , was talking yesterday about how strange it seemed that life just keeps going. You still eat, do all the things that just happen every day, even laugh. It’s just weird! That’s true. The world does keep turning, children show that is there joy in life, life still passes. But how does it dare? How can time not stop when it feels like your heart has? How does it dare?
What a blessing that it does dare to go on. What if it stayed, right where such deep sadness is dwelling? What would be left?
I am blessed, I spent two days serving with these wonderful, loyal friends who were there when my heart was being ripped out, while trying to add to our family. When I felt so much darkness and despair. Time did go on for me, I still long to know the children I never held in my arms, but time has been passing. Time that brought blessings that keep me busy, give my life purpose, that have helped me be "patient" (stop laughing, I try!) and to make the most of this life. I pray that time will not just pass, but will be meaningful for Crystal and Spencer. They have four children who will keep them busy and need them. I hope their lives will have a normalcy soon that will help them continue on through this journey of life. I hope they can continue to feel the tender mercies in their lives, as they are now.
I have such a mix of feelings. My heart broke while I helped Liz (grandmother) sew the burial clothes for little Sage. Teele (grandfather) changed the oil in my car that so Jon wouldn’t worry. It was so overdue and engine damage was a concern with me traveling out of town. Everyone working together, serving where needed. It’s what life is all about. I felt a little feeling guilty, because I knew that when I came home, I would be sewing clothes for my new, tiny grandson to be blessed in. Such a joy for me . . . I want Sage's family to feel this same joy, I know they will someday, when time brings it to them . . . when they have grown to it
3 comments:
I have spent several nights praying for this family that I do not even know...though I feel as though I know them a little from the stories you have shared. I have cried as I plead for the Lord to bless them with the comfort they need so much right now, and the strength they will need to continue. As I hear of those who have been gathering to help them, I know that my prayers are being answered. I know that many more prayers are being offered for this family, and that if we come together (as the Lord intended us to) we will all be able to go on and find happiness in this life.
Those deep spiritual feelings you have expressed in your post would have little meaning if you hadn't experienced them. Perhaps life doesn't stop, but the pause button is pushed to help us see heaven.
Sharron I can't thank you enough for everything you have done for me. You have been such a good friend for me. I think you and I were very close in the pre existance and that we promised each other we would help each other through this life. Did you know that it was your face, all clothed in white that I first saw in the celestial room the day Teele and I were sealed? You have been a true friend always willing to serve, make me laugh, offer words of wisdom when I needed them and now this...helping me get through my grandon's death. I don't think I could have sewn his burial clothing without you. That first day I couldn't even recognize a zipper foot or figure out how a snap worked. Then the next morning we knelt in prayer by our sewing machines and you offered the most beautiful prayer. My mind cleared and I was able to sew. I couldn't have done it without you.
Time had new meaning the day Sage died. I felt like it should have stopped and I'm angry that it hasn't...in 31 minutes it will have been a week since our nightmare began. Thanks for your posts about Sage they meant a lot to me. Love you bunches...Liz
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