I have had such a swirl of thoughts and emotions since Aunt Wanda's funeral. A lot of reminiscing, a lot of wondering about a question my brother, Bob, asked me the day of my Aunt Vivien's funeral, and just looking back at all the twists and turns in my life. So I will go back, a bit and briefly, if that word is actually part of my vocabulary ;-}
My great grandparents were in the Mormon colonies in northern Mexico raising their family. Great Grandpa was killed in a mining accident when Grt. Grandma Jacobson was carrying her last child, Uncle Bud. Some time after that when the great "hero" Pancho Villa was running a muck in the country side, they left and went up to El Paso. There they stayed for quite some time.
My Grandma Annie (mom's mom) met and courted my Grandpa Joe while he was in the cavalry at Ft. Bliss, and they married, lived there until my mom was about 13 years old. At that time, Grandma and the kids moved to Duncan, AZ, I presume to be near my Great Grandma (Jacobson) while Grandpa stayed behind in El Paso to work. When my mom graduated from high school, she couldn't get back to the big city (El Paso) fast enough! Mom and Aunt Wanda were not only cousins, they were best friends. I have a picture of the two of them strolling down the street, arm in arm. I love it. I haven't seen such a big smile on my mom's face that often, especially one that is so full of youthful abandon. I have a feeling in her terrible shyness and lack of confidence, her buddy Wanda was a catalyst for letting her fears go and have a good time . . don't read anything into that. Mom was shy, Wanda was NOT!
The big question (that Bob asked that day) is, "What would our lives have been like if we had never left the Las Cruces? What would we be like? Do you ever ask yourself that?" No, Bob, I hadn't. It has crossed my mind numerous times since then. And lately they have crossed my mind again. "What if . . . .?"
When you look at the children of my great grandparents, you see such a variety of attitudes about life, the gospel, talents and what is the most important in this life. It is easy to see how the decisions and choices of each of the children might have influenced the direction taken by the following generations.
I have found that many of my peers are really wonderful people, I like them, a lot. I enjoy seeing them and meeting their children. Getting to know them again, at times I feel some awkwardness that I feel uneasy with. It is a little sad, having to work so hard to try to stay close to the gospel has made it so central in my life that I can feel unsure of myself when I am with those who haven't done the same. I am talking about good decent, productive children, parents, citizens. I like them, I enjoy being around them. I want to feel an ease that just isn't there sometimes. It took a while, but a soul can sense that they wonder about me as much as I wonder about them . . . that is mainly around my dad's family, who are, by and large, not affiliated with any particular religion that I can tell.
I hope that through FB and having email addresses will give all the opportunity to become reacquainted, to redevelop family ties, and not just at funerals. I hope the older generation who are finished with this phase of their eternal path, will be able to lead all of us "youngsters" back to family.
My great grandparents were in the Mormon colonies in northern Mexico raising their family. Great Grandpa was killed in a mining accident when Grt. Grandma Jacobson was carrying her last child, Uncle Bud. Some time after that when the great "hero" Pancho Villa was running a muck in the country side, they left and went up to El Paso. There they stayed for quite some time.
My Grandma Annie (mom's mom) met and courted my Grandpa Joe while he was in the cavalry at Ft. Bliss, and they married, lived there until my mom was about 13 years old. At that time, Grandma and the kids moved to Duncan, AZ, I presume to be near my Great Grandma (Jacobson) while Grandpa stayed behind in El Paso to work. When my mom graduated from high school, she couldn't get back to the big city (El Paso) fast enough! Mom and Aunt Wanda were not only cousins, they were best friends. I have a picture of the two of them strolling down the street, arm in arm. I love it. I haven't seen such a big smile on my mom's face that often, especially one that is so full of youthful abandon. I have a feeling in her terrible shyness and lack of confidence, her buddy Wanda was a catalyst for letting her fears go and have a good time . . don't read anything into that. Mom was shy, Wanda was NOT!
The big question (that Bob asked that day) is, "What would our lives have been like if we had never left the Las Cruces? What would we be like? Do you ever ask yourself that?" No, Bob, I hadn't. It has crossed my mind numerous times since then. And lately they have crossed my mind again. "What if . . . .?"
When you look at the children of my great grandparents, you see such a variety of attitudes about life, the gospel, talents and what is the most important in this life. It is easy to see how the decisions and choices of each of the children might have influenced the direction taken by the following generations.
I have found that many of my peers are really wonderful people, I like them, a lot. I enjoy seeing them and meeting their children. Getting to know them again, at times I feel some awkwardness that I feel uneasy with. It is a little sad, having to work so hard to try to stay close to the gospel has made it so central in my life that I can feel unsure of myself when I am with those who haven't done the same. I am talking about good decent, productive children, parents, citizens. I like them, I enjoy being around them. I want to feel an ease that just isn't there sometimes. It took a while, but a soul can sense that they wonder about me as much as I wonder about them . . . that is mainly around my dad's family, who are, by and large, not affiliated with any particular religion that I can tell.
I hope that through FB and having email addresses will give all the opportunity to become reacquainted, to redevelop family ties, and not just at funerals. I hope the older generation who are finished with this phase of their eternal path, will be able to lead all of us "youngsters" back to family.
Family is not one of the little things that count, they are one of the big ones . . . a really big one!!
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