When Jon retired from DPS. he went straight to working for the Forestry Dept, kind of. He actually working as a seasonal or AD and was being requested by the man he has worked for and with since then. Every summer, I have to separate myself emotionally from him to get through the long lonely times that take him away so much during the wild fire season. I knew he was like a kid in a candy shop doing all this radio work and that he was able to go to the fire locations, his dream job. Moving down here when he was made a supervisor had pulled the rug out from under him since he had been doing his hobbies for a living . . . playing with radios, off-roading, running around the piney woods, he loved it. Moving to the big city was really hard on him.
I had the chance to prepare mentally this year. Last year he got called to a fire in February and it caught me off guard, made the whole season difficult.
This year, he had helped me get so much done around the house and helped me each week end with tasks that were too heavy or just impossible with only two hands. the season was going well, then the last week hit, like a boulder, right on top of me. It seems like I have been on a rock slide, not holding on very well and being slowly buried in the gravel coming down.
I suppose part is that the heat has hit HARD, the money is running out, my poor ole' body is rebelling on me and the asthma is really bad again. I need to keep working like my life depends on it. Keep my mind positive, looking forward, and look back just enough to see what I have accomplished. It's a lot, but of course being human, not enough to suit me. This is one of the reasons that my posting has become pretty sporadic. . . . just keeping my dumps to myself. Just haven't felt like it, and didn't feel like there was anything worth talking about to post.
I am so blessed, that when I feel like this, I am ashamed. So off to bed I go, to try to sleep off the aftermath of today with all of it's nausea, etc. and get a fresh start tomorrow, but first I just have to share this pic of Gabriel working on his bird feeder, he's such a fun kid. I will be sad when coming over here isn't such a treat for him. He's breaking in my new ear muffs . . I could tell Jon was reluctant to leave his out for me. . . harumph! Mine are so much cuter and bright . . . so I can find them when I want to. It's so strange to see Stephen's hands on a crumb crusher! Would Lynneah be so lucky to get hands that pretty?
I had the chance to prepare mentally this year. Last year he got called to a fire in February and it caught me off guard, made the whole season difficult.
This year, he had helped me get so much done around the house and helped me each week end with tasks that were too heavy or just impossible with only two hands. the season was going well, then the last week hit, like a boulder, right on top of me. It seems like I have been on a rock slide, not holding on very well and being slowly buried in the gravel coming down.
I suppose part is that the heat has hit HARD, the money is running out, my poor ole' body is rebelling on me and the asthma is really bad again. I need to keep working like my life depends on it. Keep my mind positive, looking forward, and look back just enough to see what I have accomplished. It's a lot, but of course being human, not enough to suit me. This is one of the reasons that my posting has become pretty sporadic. . . . just keeping my dumps to myself. Just haven't felt like it, and didn't feel like there was anything worth talking about to post.
3 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear that you are down in the dumps and that the asthma is bothering you so much. Could it be something you planted in your garden? So is Jon working on a fire now? And what on earth do you need ear muffs for? Target practice? Many it's 2:00 in the morning and I sure have a lot of questions! But don't feel guilty for feeling bad, we all do at times, the thing is you know how blessed you are and that's the difference between you and some people I've know. Love you! Hang in there, this too shall pass....and for crying out loud if all else fails blame it on the HEAT!!!! Our thermometer hit 115 degrees yesterday! YIKES!
The heat is part of it, part is wondering what the next few months will bring.
The muffs are for when I am driving fence posts or running loud saw, routers, etc. It really takes a toll on what is left of my hearing. I guess it is time to go see what can be done about it . . besides getting other trained to look at me when they are talking. I am starting to ignore those who won't look at me when they are talking.
I'm sorry that you were feeling more than just an upset stomach. I hope you feel better in lots of ways soon! You've got all your kids in town, take advantage of that. You can come do a day of projects over here...but we can also have a day where we come over there to help you while Jon is away. You have but to ask!
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